Heartfelt Apologies
by FireSyNNs
Summary: Swanqueen Completely AU one shot: Regina is a cop struggling with issues she blames on "work stress', Emma is her loving girlfriend looking forward to spending time with her. Things don't go as Emma had planned.


**a/n: warning. I don't really like warnings cuz they're basically spoilers, but I understand that they're necessary so...warning: depictions of rape (not between our ladies), and violence. Also big spoiler warning so if you don't want to be spoiled stop reading the bold now seriously you should stop okay its coming character death there i hid it in words i don't know if it worked.**

**Just a side note, i'm still working on An Abundance of Love I just got distracted by this terrible idea.**

* * *

It was another cold winter day in Boston. Emma turned up the heat in her girlfriend's apartment, and opened up a beer to warm up her insides.

Emma liked to pretend it wasn't hard dating a cop. To worry everyday if she was coming home or if there would be a phone call or a knock on her door and someone would utter the words 'I'm sorry'.

She never wanted to hear those words, but she would never stand in the way of Regina's dreams. Regina loved her job and Emma couldn't fault her for it. It is how they met after all, back when Emma was less than an outstanding citizen and Regina was a rookie beat cop with intolerance for insubordination.

It felt like a life time ago.

Emma couldn't imagine her life without Regina anymore. She wasn't used to being so attached to anyone. Growing up, she had learned the lesson over and over that everybody leaves and no one really wants her. With Regina she broke all her rules. She fell head over heels in love with the brunette. Sometimes it scared her, but not nearly as much as the thought of losing her.

Emma knew something was wrong, but Regina refused to really talk to her about it. She blamed it on stress at work and reassured her everything was fine. Emma thought it was her fault. She had recently become manger of a local soup kitchen and her schedule had become just as erratic as Regina's. They had barely seen each other and Emma was going insane. She felt like Regina was pulling away and Emma was desperate to stop it.

Tomorrow she would be swamped at work, but she would have tonight with her girlfriend even if it killed her.

She sat on the couch with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other as she waited for the woman she loved to come home. She had finally settled on a show when she heard the keys in the door. She stood and abandoned her drink and remote on the coffee table.

"Hey," Emma greeted as Regina came through the door. She closed the distance and barely got in a peck on Regina's lips before the brunette moved away to go further into the apartment.

"What are you doing here?" She set her duffel bag of work things on the floor and started looking through her mail on the kitchen counter.

"I missed you." Emma said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Right, sorry." She went back to Emma and gave her a proper kiss hello. She pulled away again before Emma could get any sort of hold on her. "I'm just going to change."

Emma sighed as Regina disappeared into the bedroom. It wasn't exactly the reaction she was hoping for. In fact it was more of a non-reaction. It was one little hiccup and Emma brushed it off easily. She settled back onto the couch and restarted her waiting game.

Regina reemerged in a comfortable jeans and long sleeve combo. She joined Emma on the couch and it wasn't long before Emma faked a yawn and draped an arm around the brunette. She pulled her in to snuggle. Emma smiled at her fondly and Regina tried to return the sentiment, but her heart wasn't in it. To her relief it seemed Emma didn't notice. The blonde just went back to watching her show.

Regina snaked an arm around the blonde's waist and rested her head against Emma's shoulder. There wasn't anywhere she'd rather be than wrapped in the security of her girlfriend's arms.

But she wasn't really there.

Here mind wandered every half second and she couldn't keep the frown from forming on her face. Only Emma's body shaking with laughter brought her out of it.

She moved her eyes to look up at the smiling blonde. Emma was always content to simply exist in the same space. She was always there for Regina, even when Regina wasn't there at all. She wanted to be there. She wanted her mind to stop pulling her away. More than anything she wanted to be with Emma.

She moved her head to place a kiss on Emma's exposed neck. Pleasant chills traveled through Emma's body and she drew her attention away from the television to stare loving at her girlfriend. Regina brushed a strand of hair away from Emma's eyes and cupped her cheek. She moved in to close the distance and began a flurry of kisses that quickly increased into passion and intensity until both women were panting for air.

Emma grinned with intent as soon as they broke apart. She didn't give Regina much time to catch her breath before she pushed her onto the couch and climbed on top to kiss her all over again.

It felt like an eternity since they had last been intimate. Emma was eager to be reminded of every inch of Regina's body. She slid a hand under the brunette's shirt only to be stopped. Regina pulled Emma's hand out and fixed her shirt. The lip locking continued and Emma tried again.

Regina grabbed Emma's wrist to stop her from going any further and froze. Supported on her other hand Emma pulled up to look at her. "What's wrong?"

Regina's dilated eyes shrunk as they refocused on Emma. She released a breath she hadn't noticed she was holding. She shook her head. "Nothing." She let go of Emma's wrist and brought her arm up to wrap around Emma's neck and pull her back down.

They kissed each other more softly, but just as deep. Regina could feel the love radiating from the woman on top of her. She wanted this. She did.

Emma slid her hand higher under Regina's shirt. She drew it up against soft skin. She reached Regina's breasts and appreciated them in a caress.

With closed eyes Regina pulled her head away from Emma's in distress. She fought it and tried to enjoy the kisses Emma planted on her neck.

"No," Regina pushed against Emma's chest. "I can't." She pushed aggressively to get Emma off her. Emma didn't hesitate to move away. Regina freed herself from the couch and stood to move.

Emma followed her. "What's wrong?"

She wrapped her arms around herself. "You need to go."

"Regina, talk to me. Did I do something?"

"Just leave!"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong is you won't leave. I had a long day at work and I'm tired. This is my apartment. I didn't ask you to be here. I don't want you here."

"Seriously?" Emma's concern grew with a tinge of anger. She couldn't keep the hurt from showing in her eyes, but if she wasn't wanted there wasn't anything she could do about it. "Fine." Her voiced cracked with emotion.

Regina watched as Emma gathered her coast and headed for the door. Regina flinched when Emma slammed the door behind her.

Regina sighed in relief. She remembered how to breathe now that she was alone. A knock on her door made her lungs constrict again. She rolled her eyes.

"What?!" She swung open the door annoyed.

Emma looked back at her with the same amount of annoyance. "Dinner's in the oven, it should be ready in 10 minutes. Happy Anniversary." Emma walked away and didn't look back.

Regina slowly closed the door and walked back into the apartment. A beer on the coffee table two inches from a coaster, and a rerun of Adventure Time playing on the television further reminded her of what she was pushing away, of who she was pushing away. Emma was her everything and the blonde deserved so much better.

"Emma, wait!" She ran down the hallway and called out to stop Emma from stepping into the elevator. Emma wiped her eyes with her sleeve before turning to look at Regina. "I'm sorry."

"What did I do?" Emma pleaded, heartbroken.

"Nothing." Regina promised. She took Emma's hands and held them to her chest. "It's just work. Please come back?"

Emma couldn't say no even if she was still upset. Regina was all she wanted so she nodded and smiled back when Regina smiled at her. She let the brunette lead her by the hand back to the apartment.

* * *

Things went back to normal over dinner. They laughed and fed each other what Emma referred to as the most romantic meal in the world; deep dish pizza.

"It's deep like our love."

Regina rolled her eyes and laughed anyway.

They finished dinner, but stayed at the table watching each other in the candle light. Regina rubbed circles on the back of Emma hand. "Do you want to go to bed?" She asked sultrily.

Emma turned her hand to take Regina's in her own. "Only if you're up for it."

Without another word Regina pushed back her chair and stood. She waited for Emma to do the same and together they went into the bedroom.

Emma followed Regina's lead and kept things slow. They undressed each other meticulously, planting kisses on every new inch of exposed skin.

Regina moved Emma until she backed into the bed. She pushed the blonde onto it and straddled her. She kissed her and basked in the love they shared together. She took in the smell of her hair, and soft feel of her lips, and the gentles hand that eagerly explored her body.

She reminded herself where she was. Safe, in her apartment, in her bed, with the woman she loved. She wouldn't let anything stop her from being with Emma.

* * *

Regina sat against the headboard of her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest. She watched the rise and fall of Emma's chest as the blonde slept soundlessly. Even in her sleep Emma had a content smile on her face.

Guilty tears trickled down Regina's face. She had Emma in her bed, but she had never felt so alone. There were things Emma didn't know, and things Regina couldn't bear to tell her.

She gave up for the moment and got out of bed.

She kept the lights off and moved into the kitchen where there was at least something to do. She picked up a dirty dish and willed her mind to go blank as she began the autonomous chore of washing them.

Emma stirred to the sound of clanking dishes. She rolled over in a half-daze to capture her girlfriend, but woke fully when she only found empty sheets.

She followed the sound of clanking dishes and running water, and chuckled when she found Regina at the sink. Regina could never just let things sit for tomorrow.

Sneaking up on the brunette Emma kissed Regina's shoulder and let her hands rest on her hips. She pressed herself against Regina and breathed in deeply trying to take in the scent of Regina's shampoo; apple's and cinnamon. Regina always smelled so good. It was intoxicating.

Regina froze. Her mind flashed to events she was trying so hard to forget.

She remembered how he had pushed up against her, how he had squeezed her hips when she tried to get away. His beard scratched against her neck as he placed unwanted kisses. He was her superior and she trusted him. She didn't like him, but she trusted him. He used a taser when she fought back to disable her. She remembered the stench of him on top of her, old, fat, and sweaty. She would die before she let it happen again.

With panicked eyes she jabbed her elbow back and connected with Emma's ribs.

Emma grunted in pain and moved back to hold her side. "What the hell?!"

Regina turned and held a knife up. She looked at Emma with unseeing eyes.

"Whoa," Emma held her hands up in a gesture of compliance. "Regina put the knife down." Regina jabbed the knife to move Emma back more. "Babe, it's me." She tried again.

The brunette's face strained trying to break free of the panic that held her.

"That's right, come back to me." Emma reached out a hand.

Regina stared at it as it slowly moved towards her. The knife shook in her own as the hand got closer. Slim fingers touched her wrist. She screamed.

Emma had never heard her scream before. It sent dread through her body. She snatched her hand away, but Regina moved quickly and sliced her forearm. Emma didn't have time to react to the pain as Regina lunged for her.

Emma caught Regina's arms and struggled to keep her away. Emma was bigger and stronger, but Regina had training and determination.

The frenzied brunette swept Emma's legs from under her. They fell together with Regina on top. Emma's head bounced on the tile. Regina didn't hesitate to straddle her and pin the blonde's legs. Their hands entangled at Emma's chest where Regina pushed down to drive the knife in and Emma pushed up to keep it out.

"Regina! Regina!" Emma screamed. Emma looked into her eyes and pleaded, but the unhinged crazy in her eyes told her Regina wasn't there.

She grunted as the tip of the knife bit into her skin. Her head pounded and her arms burned. Her strength was waning. Desperate tears rolled off her face as the knife sunk deeper. She looked into this woman's eyes and begged any God that her words would find Regina. "I love you." She could barely whisper. A small cough escaped her and brought with it a smudge of blood that dripped out of her mouth.

"Emma?" Regina gasped, coming back to herself. "Emma!" She pulled her hands away from the knife. Emma's hands fell lifelessly and the knife stayed protruded in Emma's chest. "No!" She screamed.

She hurried to the phone and dialed 911. "I need an ambulance! There's a knife in her chest!" Her lips trembled as the emergency operator asked her what happened. "I...I killed her." She fell to the floor and dropped the phone. The emergency operator asked the air if she was still there. Regina crawled back to the love of her life. She cupped Emma's face and sobbed onto her shoulder. "I'm sorry."


End file.
